I am a firm believer in astrology, a.k.a. the fact that eight or nine balls of rock or gas and the star they all revolve around hold the key to the human race’s completely random existence in this vast, sub-zero expanse called outer space.
No, I totally am not, but horoscopes do make for interesting reading, especially around New Year’s Eve. I mean, the amount of thought and energy to make these scenarios generally applicable to all of the same sign, but specific enough to actually be relevant if true! It takes some mad skills, I must admit.
So here I am reading up on what’s in store for Taureans, i.e. one-twelfth of the 7 billion or so people on earth, in 2016. I consulted three online sources expecting that, if horoscopes were legit, they should all say roughly the same thing. So did they? You be the judge:
1. Horoscope.com: “2016 is the year for big, important changes, Taurus. You can reinvent yourself from the ground up if you so choose.” (And on love for singles) “Love is all around you in 2016, Taurus, but not in the usual places. This can expand your social horizons and widen your world.”
OK, I was actually hoping this would be a chill year, without too many “important changes”, but fine. And as for expanding my social horizons, well shit, I really have to, don’t I? Thought it’d say love will find me or something and I’d get a free pass on getting myself out there. Oh well.
2. Sunsigns.org: “Taureans will have to face conflict between their inner selves and the world outside during the year. You have to focus on enhancing your emotional strength while accomplishing material success in your life.” (And on love for singles) “The Taurus 2016 horoscope love prophecies show that singles will find love in their social circles or among known friendships.”
Well, let me start by saying that the .org domain is a nice touch. Gives off a real credible vibe, like there’s an actual organization behind it. But no props for the me-against-the-world prophecy! Just, no. I’m not due for my midlife crisis yet. But I like the love prediction because it’s the total opposite of the first one. Although it also means I probably already know the person…? Weird. I’m 50/50 about that.
3. Astrologyking.com – “2016 should be a dreamy and surreal year for you… Although there should be no obstacles to success all year, the final four months are best suited to making big progress with your goals.” (And on love for singles) “Your personal life will benefit from greater harmony, with new relationships on offer and closer bonding in existing relationships… Your hopes and dreams should fall into place with little effort.”
That right there is scientifically proven truth. Every word. The other two earlier were just jokes. Dreamy. No obstacles. Little effort. Thanks, Astrologyking, for your well-researched, fact-based description of Taureans in 2016. By the way, this is only for “Decan 1”, or those born between April 20 and 30 like me. Virtual high five, all Decan 1 Taureans!
I therefore conclude that horoscopes are a confusing mishmash. But if one of them tells me I’ll have a great year without even trying, then I sure as hell am not gonna even bother.
(I’m just kidding. I would rather die than be a slacker.)
One day down, 365 more to go.
Savant + Servant 